Monkey Brain

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Moody Monday

If you have two children, you don’t have an oldest child. You have an older child and a younger child, and that’s it.

There are certainly more things worthy of my ire, like starving children, gun control, or the treatment of the mentally ill, but I suppose this is easier to ruminate on because it doesn’t really require much work on my part.

I think it bugs me because it doesn’t just demonstrate a lack of knowledge (I’ve heard from more than one graduate of California public schools that they feel screwed as they consult AP style guides at work instead of the knowledge they should have gained by sixth grade), It shows a lack of critical thinking skills.

I make my share of grammatical mistakes, but when I check my grammar, I use critical thinking, not memorization. When to use less vs fewer? Less = how much; fewer = how many. I couldn’t care less; I couldn’t give fewer shits.

To me, words with –est, usually indicate a number greater than two. With two, you can use an –er word. I’m better than you. Many Tumblrs are younger than I. My older son is 5.

When I hear people talk about their oldest or youngest when they have two kids, it’s jarring to me, and yet I don’t correct them out loud because I feel like a jerk. Maybe now that I’m out of the judgy closet I’ll actually say something.

If this post makes YOU feel moody and judged because you talk about your oldest/youngest and you only have two kids, try not to get too upset. The person judging you spent most of last Wednesday not noticing several white smudges and lint on her decidedly black pants. So while you’re grammar may not be the best, you probably are wearing an outfit that is snot and toothpaste free, and that definitely counts for something.